


A Stupid Idea

by Bandom_Squirrel



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Fluff, Light Angst, M/M, Wedding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-19
Updated: 2020-08-19
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:41:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,527
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25983796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bandom_Squirrel/pseuds/Bandom_Squirrel
Summary: Phil was sure he should be getting some sleep. It was going to be one of the best days of his life, after all, and he was still wide awake at 2:12 AM. And Dan seemed to be experiencing the same thing.
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 4
Kudos: 35





	A Stupid Idea

It was currently 2:12 AM on what would most likely be the most important day of Phil’s life, and he was still wide awake. In fact, he wasn’t even trying to sleep yet, with all the lights still on as he stared at the wall. 

Phil knew he should be trying to sleep. Tomorrow, or at that point, later that day, was important, and he should be well-rested for it. The hotel room he was in had a comfortable bed, and the sheets smelled nice, so he should be able to just slip under the covers and drift off so that he wouldn’t have bags under his eyes in all the photos. Still, it was no surprise that he found himself unable to. 

It had been years since Phil had missed someone this badly. It was strange, it had only been a few hours, and he knew that he’d see him again the next day. Hell, they had gone so much longer without seeing each other in the past without him feeling like this. But there was a physical ache in his bones, a pull to get up and stop staring at the flawless paint on the wall of a fancy hotel room. 

Then, there was a knock at the door. Phil was on his feet immediately, hope flaring throughout his entire being. He knew that it probably wouldn’t be who he wanted, but that didn’t stop the warm feeling in his chest from growing as he speed-walked towards the door, an expectant smile on his face as he turned the handle.

“This was a stupid idea,” Dan said the moment the door was opened, and not an second later did Phil have his arms wrapped around him. The reciprocation was immediate, and it was so completely reassuring to have someone that knew him so well with him on that night. 

“I missed you,” Phil murmured against the skin on Dan’s neck, not making any move to let go or close the door. Dan rubbed a hand soothingly across his back, and Phil felt some of the anxiety that had been building for hours slowly start to ebb away. 

“Missed you too,” Dan confessed, instead of reminding him of how it had been only a few hours since they’d last seen each other. Phil could tell from the fact that he was there that he obviously had been feeling the exact same way he had. 

“Why’re you here?” Phil asked, although he already knew the answer. Sometimes, especially when he was as anxious as he was feeling right then, he just needed confirmation. It was then that Dan pulled out of his embrace, although he did lace their fingers together, taking the final step into Phil’s hotel room and closing the door behind him. 

“Because fuck tradition, I wanted to see you. Whose idea was it to separate two people who love each other on one of the most stressful nights of their lives?” Dan complained, walking towards the bed and pulling Phil along with him. 

“I think it comes from the idea that people weren’t supposed to sleep together before they got married,” Phil provided as Dan flopped onto his back on the mattress, patting the spot next to him. Phil didn’t hesitate to join him. 

“Well, I think it’s a little too late for that, and I’d rather not be alone when I inevitably have a panic attack,” Dan decided, kicking off his shoes as Phil curled against his side. Phil could tell that Dan was anxious, over a decade together having taught him enough to prepare for when he was going to have to help Dan get through an episode. He knew Dan could do the same for him, which would make for an interesting night to say the least. 

“I’m glad you came,” Phil told him earnestly, tossing an arm over Dan’s chest and trying to figure out which one of them was closer to a nervous breakdown. “I would’ve come to your room in just a minute if you hadn’t come over here.”

“Good to know,” Dan replied, leaning into Phil’s touch. “Can we just try to get some sleep? We have to get up at around nine in the morning and I’d like to be at least partially awake for the day. And I think I’ll be able to sleep better next to you.”

Phil hummed his agreement, and a few minutes later, the lights were turned off and they were cuddled together under the covers. Phil could feel Dan’s heart rate, and it was almost as quick as his own. Something told him they weren’t going to be able to sleep any better this way. 

“Alright, so I’m still not getting any sleep,” Dan proclaimed a few minutes into the silence, and Phil sighed, sitting up and leaning back against the pillows on the bed. 

“Yeah, me neither,” Phil agreed, taking Dan’s hand in his own as the other man sat up as well. 

“Why am I so anxious about this?” Dan groaned after a moment. “I’m sure I want to do this, I know I love you, and I’m absolutely certain I want to spend the rest of my life with you, so why am I so fucking scared?”

“We wouldn’t be doing this if it weren’t a big deal,” Phil reminded him, squeezing Dan’s hand softly and glancing over at him. Even if the dim light of the room, the worry on his face was clearly visible. 

“I know, but it shouldn’t be a big deal! Literally nothing besides some financial shit is changing,” Dan argued, although Phil could instantly tell that all the anger in his tone was solely directed at himself. Instinctively, he wrapped an arm around Dan’s shoulder, pulling him into what he hoped was a reassuring side hug. 

“For me, I’m anxious about being vulnerable in front of so many people,” Phil shared. “I’m not ashamed of you, and I like showing you off, but it’s always felt like this was just for us, you know? And knowing so many other people are going to be seeing that, even if it is just close friends and family, is terrifying.”

“Exactly!” Dan agreed, nodding profusely. “And it feels like this is like, us having to prove something to them. Like how much we love each other or some bullshit like that. I don’t even know if it feels like I have to prove something to them, or to you, or to myself even, but it’s so much pressure.”

“I know you know we don’t have to prove anything to anyone,” Phil said, leaning his head against Dan’s shoulder. “But that doesn’t always make it any easier to stop feeling like it.” 

“Yeah,” Dan responded, sighing and pressing closer against Phil’s side. “I think it’s also my inner perfectionist making me anxious. Like, this is such a big event in our lives, it has to be perfect. And like, I feel like I have to make sure everything is exactly how we want it, because I have one chance to get it right and if I don’t I’ll regret it for the rest of my life.”

“Same. I keep getting worried that I’ll just forget how to speak up there, and then it’ll be really embarrassing and I’ll have completely ruined our wedding day,” Phil added.

“And the thing is, I know this is all stupid, because we’re probably not going to care about the details when we’re fucking getting married, and I know nothing is going to ruin this, so why can’t I stop myself from worrying?” Dan ranted, and Phil nodded along, smiling despite himself. 

“I think it’s because we’re human, Dan,” Phil answered gently, although he realized it was most likely a rhetorical question. “And I know it’s shitty, but I don’t think there’s anything we can really do to stop worrying about it.”

“Yeah,” Dan admitted, pressing his cheek against Phil’s hair. “I don’t think I’m going to be getting any sleep tonight.” Phil breathed out a short laugh, smiling to himself. 

“Me neither,” Phil agreed. There were still a million worries swarming in his mind, and while talking about them with Dan had removed a weight from his chest, it did little to alleviate the lingering anxiety. From the way he could feel Dan’s pulse thrumming in his neck, it was clear his fiancé was feeling the same way. 

“Can you just hold me?” Dan asked, his tone casual, although Phil could immediately sense the need vaguely hidden behind his words. Not too long ago, Dan would have been much more timid asking that, and it made Phil oddly proud to know that Dan was growing more and more comfortable sharing his feelings and saying when he needed something. It made a small smile form on Phil’s face to know that Dan trusted him with that. 

“Of course,” Phil assured him, wrapping his arms fully around Dan’s middle and pressing a quick kiss to his temple. The other man sighed and melted into him, and Phil had no idea if it was hours or minutes until he was sound asleep.


End file.
